Single dating sex roulette

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Whose unique opening lines on Tinder are fired into a seeming abyss without so much as an echo.

Whose conversations with women at gyms post-workout lead to a response of (and this is a direct quote from a recent Tuesday morning): “I’m in a weird place right now.” This is not a plea for sympathy — as a white male, I know I am one of the least sympathetic demographics. Sex, for the single man, is akin to the Netflix “Arrested Development” reboot: eagerly anticipated, disappointing in execution, and only a reminder of how good it used to be.

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The look on this woman’s face after I asked her to look it up in the coffee shop was akin to what haunted house patrons must see.

It pulls my feet toward a woman dressed in Ohio State Red at a bar even as their football team is pulling away from my Michigan Wolverines.

In the single life, I’m betting the most sex comes from the fewest number of partners, and so all I’m looking for is one.

Then there’s the chance of an unwanted pregnancy, which, as far as I can surmise, ends in either a Ben Folds Five “Brick” situation or a disaffected teen who shops at Hot Topic.

I’ve managed to make it this far as a single guy without an STD or without child support.

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